Wednesday, January 3, 2018

The Silver Bullet Sanction


You're nobody in Hollywood unless somebody wants you dead."
(Bernie Brillstein)

Frank Lupo, co-creator and creator of such fare as The A-Team, Wiseguy, Hunter, and many more, told us he'd sold a new show to the Fox Network. Titled, Werewolf, it starred John J. York (Eric Cord) as the reluctant Werewolf falsely accused of murder; Lance LeGault, Aka Alamo Joe - the cop hunting him with a pistol loaded with silver bullets; and Chuck Connors (Janos Skorzeny ), as the King Werewolf that York must track down to rid himself of the curse and clear his name. Frank asked us if we'd like to head up his Story Department. To which Chris replied, "Is the bear Catholic? Does the Pope shit in the woods?" Which I translated for Frank: "Damn straight, boss." A few days after we'd joined the show, Frank came into our office and perched on Chris' desk.

Chris said, "How can we help you, boss?"

Frank said, "I want you guys to fucking kill Chuck Connors for me."


Now, Chris and I weren't aghast at this request. Although, if we'd had a little rum and nutmeg, we might have been agog. But we were - loosely speaking - surprised. (In reality, nothing surprises in Tinseltown. Except, maybe, the occasional Buckyball of Brilliance that somehow sneaks through Studio Interference.)

We'd previewed the pilot and thought that Chuck (The Rifleman ) Connors had done a damned good job of portraying an evil, scary villain with no moral compunctions whatsoever.

We said as much to Frank.

Frank said, "It was fucking typecasting."

"How so, boss?" Chris asked.

"Everybody warned me not to hire the son of a bitch," he said. "And it turns out everybody was fucking right. Nobody would touch the guy. They thought he was a fucking time bomb. And that when he blew up any show he was associated with would be buried by the fucking paparazzi."

This was getting interesting. Pray tell us more, boss, we urged.

Frank did.

"Holy shit!" Chris said. "Gives you a whole new way to look at The Rifleman, doesn't it?"

"Nobody'd touch him with a fucking ten-foot pole," Frank said.

"Until you came along," I said.

Frank sighed. "We had a heart-to-heart," he said. "Swore he never had a problem. If anybody said so, they were lying. And even if he did have a problem, he got fucking help."

"So, did he slip, or something?" I just had to ask. "Is that why you want to get rid of him?"

Frank was clearly disgusted. "The guy is trying to fuck us," he said. "I told him at the start that I was going out on a financial limb with this show. Maybe it'll be a go. Maybe not. I told him not to fucking hold me up when the show went on the air and try to force a new deal. I said, let me get my negative costs back, then we can make a new deal if you want." (The show cost roughly $700,000 per half hour episode. Which, according to my handy-dandy inflation calculator would be $1,492,243.83 today.)

"He didn't listen," Chris said.

Frank grimaced. "He wants to break his contract. Make a whole new deal."

"But the show hasn't even aired, yet," I said.

"Yeah, but Chuck's getting all kinds of publicity," Frank said. "The saintly Rifleman-Knows-Best comes back as a gore-spattered werewolf. They're all loving it. Entertainment Tonight. The Tonight Show. He's all over the place giving interviews and doing a fucking Robert Blake."

(Frank was referring to THE Robert Blake of Baretta, In Cold Blood, and Did He Really Murder His Wife, infamy. Blake, a former child star, was a notorious asshole. Periodically he'd make a comeback. Get on Johnny Carson, and confess his Son Of A Bitchedness. All would be forgiven and he'd go back to work, only to repeat the whole cycle again. Never fear, I'll tell you all about our encounters with Bad Boy Bobby Blake in future Misadventures.)

"I saw Connors strutting his stuff on Arsenio Hall," I said. "I sort of thought that his ego was running away from him."

"I don't give a shit about ego," Frank said. "Comes with the territory. I've worked with some of the biggest ego-freaks in the business. But this son of a bitch is trying to hold my show hostage." He tapped his chest. "My fucking show."

"Consider the mother fucker dead," Chris said.

"Without killing the show," Frank cautioned.

"That's easy," I said. "Maybe Skorzeny is just a werewolf prince, in a downscale kind of way. Maybe the guy who bit him is the real King Of The werewolves."

Chris jumped in. "So, after Eric (our hero) kills Skorzeny, he finds out that the curse hasn't been fucking lifted. There's another furry asshole. A guy who maybe goes way, way back in time."

"Like Cain and Able, far back," I added. "Was the first werewolf really Cain?"

"I like that," Frank said. "Put that in. But as a question. You know, the guy asks Eric: 'Do you think it was I, who slew Able?'" (We put it in just like that.)

"Here's another thing," I said. "The Connor's character is pretty much of a lowlife. Total scum. Cruises the docks and the slums. Maybe the new Werewolf King is somebody really classy. Educated. Sophisticated."

"In World War Two," Chris said, "He would have been Hitler's buddy. A general in the SS. Liked to keep slaves and torment them."

"It would be nice, but not absolutely necessary," I said, "if we could get Connors to appear in the episode." (Chris and I had a rep as skilled hit men. We'd killed off many a major character, all of whom liked their exit scenes so much that they'd filmed their demise.)

Frank raised a finger: "Three episodes," he said. "Make it a three-parter so we can give the new Werewolf King a big buildup."

Chris and I did not object. For us, three episodes would equal a resounding Cha-Ching!

It should be explained that prior to this point, Chris and I had been aware that something kooky had been going on with the Skorzeny character. In the episodes we'd written, Frank had instructed us to minimize Connors' appearances. He'd explained it with vague references that, Chuck's got other commitments... or, his deal at this point is only for XYZ number of appearances in the season... or, save him for the shock value - we don't want to overdo it. That kind of thing.

We hadn't pressed for an explanation, thinking it really wasn't our business. In our first script - The Wolf Who Thought He Was A Man - the plot hadn't called for a Skorzeny appearance. The only werewolf in the episode, which was spooky as all hell just the same, was that of our hero - Eric. In the second episode - The Black Ship - the whole point was that Eric was imprisoned by a Skorzeny slave in an abandoned freighter at the docks. We twisted the screws to the last minute, when Skorzeny finally arrived. (When it was shot later, they used Connors' double, who bore a striking resemblance to Connors when viewed in profile. But head on, he had this huge friendly - almost goofy - face, sort of like Chuck Connors ' good twin.)

In Let Us Prey, there was no Skorzeny appearance. Instead, there was a monk who had been "infected" by Skorzeny, and we got a cool Werewolf fight between Eric and the lycanthrope monk.

For those of you interested in such things, the Werewolf costumes were by Rick Baker, whose credits are legion AND legendary.  There were three complete Werewolf costumes: two were fully operational, with short(ish), muscular stuntmen inside, who were assisted by hydraulic operators on the outside. A third consisted of separate motorized parts for scary closeups of claws, fangs, etc. They cost about five hundred thousand dollars each. ($1,065,888.45 in today's money.) Suspenseful music for the series was supplied by Sylvester Levay, who did the Pacino version of Scarface - among many other classic themes.

Now, let's return to our office, where Frank was giving us a License To Kill Chuck Connors. After reviewing our suggestions for TWEEPing old Chucky-poo, he said he liked how we were thinking.

"Okay, guys, you got it," he said. "But put it on the back burner for a bit and let me see if I can still work something out with Chuck."

As he started to go, Chris and I exchanged looks. We'd been waiting for the right time to ask Frank an important favor. Should we, or shouldn't we? Chris shrugged. What the fuck?

"Uh, boss?" he said.

Frank turned back. Quickly caught the looks on our faces and said, "What's up guys?"

Chris said, "Well, see, before we came on the show, we got this... you know... invitation."

Frank smiled and nodded - go on.

"We've been invited to the World Science Fiction Convention," Chris said.

"It's in Brighton Beach," I elaborated. I named the date, then added, "It's for a week."

"Brighton Beach as in Brighton Beach, England?" Frank said.

Chris and I said it was that very place. I noted optimistically that the friendly smile remained.

"We're pretty much caught up around here," I said.

Without a second's hesitation, Frank said, "Sure, go."

Chris said, "We wouldn't expect a paycheck for the week."

Frank snorted. "Fuck that. Just take the pilot with you and show it to the fans. I'll get John to strike a couple of PALs for you." (PAL is the British video standard - different from ours. The John, he referred to was the late John Ashley, his right-hand man.)

Many thankyous crowded into a few seconds later, Frank exited.

Chris said, "We're shitting in tall cotton, Cole."

"Thanks to Frank," I said.

"I knew he'd go for it," Chris said.

"No, you didn't."

"Sure, I did."





A True Story About A Boy,
A Teacher, An Earthquake,
Some Terrorists And The CIA

LUCKY IN CYPRUS is a coming-of-age story set in the Middle East during the height of the Cold War. An American teenager – son of a CIA operative – is inspired by grand events and a Greek Cypriot teacher. He witnesses earthquakes and riots and terrorist attacks, but in the end it is his teacher’s gentle lessons that keep him whole.

Note to subscribers: Lucky In Cyprus will be available there in a few weeks. Save a credit!

Meanwhile, here's where to get the paperback & Kindle editions worldwide: 

Here's what readers say about Lucky In Cyprus:
  • "Bravo, Allan! When I finished Lucky In Cyprus I wept." - Julie Mitchell, Hot Springs, Texas
  • "Lucky In Cyprus brought back many memories... A wonderful book. So many shadows blown away!" - Freddy & Maureen Smart, Episkopi,Cyprus. 
  • "... (Reading) Lucky In Cyprus has been a humbling, haunting, sobering and enlightening experience..." - J.A. Locke,
  • *****




Can't wait to read the blog each week to find out what happens next? No problem. Click the following link and buy the book. 

Tales Sometimes Tall, but always true, of Allan Cole's years in Hollywood with his late partner, Chris Bunch. How a naked lady almost became our first agent. How we survived La-La Land with only the loss of half our brain cells. How Bunch & Cole became the ultimate Fix-It 
Boys. How an alleged Mafia Don was very, very good to us. The guy who cornered the market on movie rocks. Andy Warhol's Fire Extinguisher. The Real Stars Of Hollywood. Why they don't make million dollar movies. See The Seven Pi$$ing Dwarfs. Learn: how to kill a "difficult" actor… And much, much more.

Here's where you can buy it worldwide in both paperback and Kindle editions:

U.S. .............................................France
United Kingdom ...........................Spain
Canada ........................................ Italy
Germany ..................................... Japan
Brazil .......................................... India

Hear voice artist Colin Hussey's 
Bring all the stories and people 
To life in the audiobook version
Of My Hollywood MisAdventures.


Ever since my British publisher put all eight novels in the Sten series in three omnibus editions, American readers have been clamoring for equal treatment. 

Well, my American publisher – Wildside Books – was listening and has issued all three omnibus volumes on this side of the Atlantic. Here are the links to buy the books:

THE TIMURA TRILOGY: When The Gods Slept, Wolves Of The Gods and The Gods Awaken. This best selling fantasy series now available as trade paperbacks, e-books (in all varieties) and as audiobooks. Visit The Timura Trilogy page for links to all the editions. 

NEWLY REVISED KINDLE EDITIONS OF THE TIMURA TRILOGY NOW AVAILABLE. (1) When The Gods Slept;(2) Wolves Of The Gods; (3) The Gods Awaken.


A NATION AT WAR WITH ITSELF: In Book Three Of The Shannon Trilogy, young Patrick Shannon is the heir-apparent to the Shannon fortune, but murder and betrayal at a family gathering send him fleeing into the American frontier, with only the last words of a wise old woman to arm him against what would come. And when the outbreak of the Civil War comes he finds himself fighting on the opposite side of those he loves the most. In The Wars Of The Shannons we see the conflict, both on the battlefield and the homefront, through the eyes of Patrick and the members of his extended Irish-American family as they struggle to survive the conflict that ripped the new nation apart, and yet, offered a dim beacon of hope.




What if the Cold War never ended -- but continued for a thousand years? Best-selling authors Allan Cole (an American) and Nick Perumov (a Russian) spin a mesmerizing "what if?" tale set a thousand years in the future, as an American and a Russian super-soldier -- together with a beautiful American detective working for the United Worlds Police -- must combine forces to defeat a secret cabal ... and prevent a galactic disaster! This is the first - and only - collaboration between American and Russian novelists. Narrated by John Hough. Click the title links below for the trade paperback and kindle editions. (Also available at iTunes.)


A novel by Allan and his daughter, Susan

After laboring as a Doctors Without Borders physician in the teaming refugee camps and minefields of South Asia, Dr. Ann Donovan thought she'd seen Hell as close up as you can get. And as a fifth generation CIA brat, she thought she knew all there was to know about corruption and betrayal. But then her father - a legendary spymaster - shows up, with a ten-year-old boy in tow. A brother she never knew existed. Then in a few violent hours, her whole world is shattered, her father killed and she and her kid brother are one the run with hell hounds on their heels. They finally corner her in a clinic in Hawaii and then all the lies and treachery are revealed on one terrible, bloody storm- ravaged night.

BASED ON THE CLASSIC STEN SERIES by Allan Cole & Chris Bunch: Fresh from their mission to pacify the Wolf Worlds, Sten and his Mantis Team encounter a mysterious ship that has been lost among the stars for thousands of years. At first, everyone aboard appears to be long dead. Then a strange Being beckons, pleading for help. More disturbing: the presence of AM2, a strategically vital fuel tightly controlled by their boss - The Eternal Emperor. They are ordered to retrieve the remaining AM2 "at all costs." But once Sten and his heavy worlder sidekick, Alex Kilgour, board the ship they must dare an out of control defense system that attacks without warning as they move through dark warrens filled with unimaginable horrors. When they reach their goal they find that in the midst of all that death are the "seeds" of a lost civilization. 



Venice Boardwalk Circa 1969
In the depths of the Sixties and The Days Of Rage, a young newsman, accompanied by his pregnant wife and orphaned teenage brother, creates a Paradise of sorts in a sprawling Venice Beach community of apartments, populated by students, artists, budding scientists and engineers lifeguards, poets, bikers with  a few junkies thrown in for good measure. The inhabitants come to call the place “Pepperland,” after the Beatles movie, “Yellow Submarine.” Threatening this paradise is  "The Blue Meanie,"  a crazy giant of a man so frightening that he eventually even scares himself.

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